Self Esteem Therapist California | Elisa Martínez, LMFT
Takeaway: You want to feel good about yourself. What could be possible in your life if you had more confidence, less self-doubt and high self-esteem? I'll share how therapy can help you develop a healthy sense of self and offer strategies to improve self-esteem.
"You just have to love yourself."
How many times have you heard this as the key to a good life: better romantic relationships, improved mental health and overall well-being?
But if you struggle with low self-esteem ,this is way easier said than done.
I'll cover these questions about self-esteem (and how to have more of it!):
What causes low self-esteem?
When should I see a therapist for self-esteem issues?
What is self-esteem therapy and how can it help?
What are some strategies to improve self-esteem?
Does this sound like you?
Self-esteem affects your overall sense of self. When it suffers, it wreaks havoc on your mental health and relationships. Low self-esteem might show up in your life in these ways:
You need lots of external validation to feel okay about yourself and your well=being is highly dependent on others' approval. You "people please" to keep other people happy, which comes at the expense of not honoring your own wants and needs. You may end up feeling angry or resentful.
Your low self-worth makes you feel like you aren't deserving, so it's hard to express your needs and advocate for your self-care. You fear that asserting yourself or speaking your truth will lead to rejection or criticism. It's hard to build healthy relationships or experience relationship satisfaction, and you may find yourself putting up with behavior that isn't good for you.
You compare yourself to others, have negative beliefs around not being "good enough," and possibly imposter syndrome. Your self-criticism makes you minimize your positive qualities, and you struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This may lead to anxiety and depressive symptoms as you battle negative thoughts and feelings around your self-worth.
You feel like you are holding yourself back from the things you truly want because you feel you aren't good enough, undeserving or don't have what it takes. You think about what "could have been" if only you had more self-confidence.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the way you value yourself as a person. Your self-esteem reflects your level self-acceptance, self-respect and how good you feel about yourself. Self-esteem exists on a spectrum: some experience very low self-esteem and others very high self-esteem - and everything in between.
Healthy self-esteem means having a more positive and realistic sense of self. You recognize your strengths and abilities, while acknowledging your areas for growth. Low self-esteem is characterized by negative self-perception, including self-doubt, worthlessness, and negative thoughts and beliefs about your capabilities, our character, and more. It's no wonder low self-esteem impacts mental health and well-being!
There's often overlap between low self-esteem and mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, etc. The negative self-perceptions of low self-esteem can fuel the feelings of low self worth that can be characteristic of depression. Depressive symptoms can have a negative impact on one's life functioning, causing a person to feel worthless and hopeless.
There can also be a negative feedback loop between low self-esteem and anxiety. If a person has low self-esteem and self-doubt, they may experience worry and anxiety about their career or academic achievement, whether they'll be be accepted or rejected by others, etc. The relationship between anxiety and low self-esteem can become evident in early childhood and young adulthood with reverberating effects throughout life.
Causes of low self-esteem
Meet Elisa Martinez, LMFT | Self-esteem counselor in California
My name is Elisa, and I understand what it's like to have low self-esteem.
I grew up feeling like an outsider. I carried a lot of shame and never felt like I was enough. The pain of feeling "different" and not fitting in had serious reverberating effects into my adulthood. I battled serious depression and anxiety. At my core, I was feeling worthless.
Since then, I've done much inner healing work, including therapy. I've gained a more realistic sense of who I am and much healthier self-esteem. My growth and desire to heal eventually led me to become a mental health professional. Now I specialize exclusively in helping clients break free of the prison of low self-esteem, worry, overwhelm, trauma and burnout.
As a psychotherapist, I work extensively with anxious achievers, self-doubters and burned-out professionals who struggle with the impacts that low self-esteem has on their sense of self in their worlds.
Helping people heal their wounded feelings, "re-program" negative thought patterns and connect with their worth is my thing - and I'm pretty good at it, too. I've witnessed the transformation of many clients as they've built healthy self-esteem and authentic self-compassion. This IS within your reach!
My approach to therapy for low self-esteem
You want to find a therapist who knows how to help you transform your negative thoughts about yourself into a true, grounded KNOWING of your worth and value.
You want a non-judgmental and open-minded therapist who truly get you. One who creates a safe environment in which your healthy self-esteem can bud, grow and thrive.
It's hard to accept - let alone love - yourself with low self-esteem. I see you, and I bring lots of understanding and empathy to counseling for self-esteem. Your low self-esteem manifests in a way that is unique to you, and it's important to me to honor where you're at with open-hearted care and respect.
I understand the "inner workings" of low self-esteem and my training and therapy experience with my many clients help me to skillfully facilitate lasting growth and change. I use an array of neuroscience- and trauma-informed therapy modalities, grounded in a deep understanding of how low self-esteem arises and can be transformed:
Internal Family Systems-informed Therapy
By working therapeutically with the parts of you that hold "cognitive distortions" (untrue thought patterns), feelings of shame and low self-esteem, you can connect with your "8 C's": calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.
Eye-Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing
Using bilateral stimulation (back-and-forth eye movement, sound or tapping), EMDR processes the trauma of painful past experiences that can drive feelings of low self-esteem. Your brain can "reprogram," replacing harsh thought patterns for healthy self-esteem .
Brainspotting
This therapy uses eye positioning and bilateral stimulation to gently-yet-powerfully heal the roots of depression, worry, trauma and low self-esteem. It processes painful emotions and experiences, "updating" your brain's neural networks (how you think and feel).
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)
EFT is an evidence-based therapy and self-care tool that alleviates emotional discomfort (fear, overwhelm, depression) and can transform cognitive distortions (like harsh critical thoughts). By tapping on specific acupuncture points and using elements of exposure- and cognitive-behavior therapy, many report increased insight, confidence, inner compassion, and calm.
Mindfulness
The positive psychological impact of mindfulness techniques (and its use to improve self-esteem!) are well-established by meta-analysis research. I can skillfully facilitate the strategic use of mindful self-awareness as a powerful tool for healing and increasing self-esteem. In therapy I'll help you build your "mindfulness muscle" to more effectively work with the issues, thoughts and cognitive distortions that drive your self-esteem challenges.
Memory Re-consolidation
The exciting neuroscience news is that the cognitive distortions (inaccurate beliefs) that drive poor self-esteem are learned (often unconsciously) from early life experiences - and can be unlearned. Using therapy techniques to unlearn negative thought patterns - and adopt healthier ones - you can deeply heal the wounded emotions of poor self-esteem.
Somatic-informed Therapy
The mind-body connection plays a critical role in mental health and improving self-esteem! By incorporating gentle body-awareness interventions that work with unique physiology of your nervous system (which holds and initiates our emotional responses), you can work effectively through emotional issues related to low self-esteem.
To learn how my specialized counseling approach can help you experience real self-worth, relief and self compassion...let's talk.
Who self-esteem therapy is for
Self-esteem affects every facet of your life and mental health: your relationship satisfaction, career, academic achievement, family bonds, social connections and your ability to live a meaningful, satisfying life.
If you're experience low self-esteem, feelings of self-doubt, low self-confidence, fear of rejection or failure, and more, therapy for self-esteem can absolutely help you to have more self-assuredness and a deep, inner knowing of your self-worth.
As you seek therapy you want to find a therapist who knows how to work skillfully and compassionately with what you bring to the table. I offer low self-esteem therapy for:
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Being "the best" (or close to it) gets you the external validation and positive reinforcement you need to feel okay about yourself. You take your life responsibilities seriously, but your constant striving takes an anxious toll: you worry way more then you let on, and can't shake that feeling that something bad is around the corner. Whether it's fear of failure or poor self-esteem, you long to feel confident, calmer and sure of yourself.
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You're smart, analytical and know how to figure things out, but get caught up in overthinking and often feel like you're spinning your wheels. You're overwhelmed, hard on yourself, and un-grounded - and your self-esteem sinks. You want to turn your mind off and get to a place of inner security, stillness, and clear thinking...without the freakout!
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You work hard: giving, "producing" - and then giving some more. You compare yourself to others and can feel like an imposter who doesn't measure up. You put everything and everyone else first, leaving you with the crumbs of your leftover energy and drive. You're disconnected from purpose, meaning and fulfillment. Your self-esteem takes a big hit and you're depleted. With all your commitments and obligations it feels impossible to find the time, space and freedom to connect with the happier, more relaxed "you.
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You're a reflective, deep thinker who looks beneath the surface of things. Your inward-looking and self-examining nature can be wonderful fuel for your personal growth, but somehow you can't move past the insecurity that lingers. You try to figure out a solution to your fear and self-esteem "stuck points," but nothing really sticks. You long to feel secure and want to stop ruminating on the negative stuff.
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I work 1-on-1 with individuals who are motivated to find true relief and change, and who know they need to find a therapist who's just right for them. You deserve to be met exactly where you're at, with compassion and non-judgment, as you're skillfully guided towards wholeness and healing. Whether you're a new or seasoned counseling client, you value your mental health and are open to exploring the amazing tool of low self-esteem therapy.
Benefits of working with a low self-esteem therapist in California
FAQs about low self-esteem counseling
This all sounds good, but you might be wondering about the specifics:
When should I see a therapist for self-esteem problems?
What other strategies can I use to improve my self-esteem?
What can I expect from self-esteem therapy?
Let's break this down, and if you have other questions feel free to reach out to me!
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Therapy can help you become the most fulfilled version of yourself, and while there isn't a necessarily a “right” or “wrong” time to start, here are some signs that it might be helpful to find a therapist:
• You put everyone and everything else first, at the expense of your own wants and needs, because you fear the perceived negative consequences and reactions of others if you don't.
• You're feeling resentful, unhappy and dissatisfied in your relationships. It may be hard to set healthy boundaries and change patterns of relating and interacting.
• You "play small" and hold back from going for what you really want.
• You're over-preoccupied with saying or doing the "right thing" to gain the acceptance and approval so of others (and feel anxious/upset when you don't).
• Overwhelm, depression, anxiety and negative thinking about yourself are impacting your ability to feel productive or competent at work, socially, in your family or any other particular area.
• Your "inner critic" tells you that you should be able to "get over it" and feel better - but you're stuck and don't know how to do that.
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Here are some ideas to start shifting your perceptions about yourself that can be a helpful addition to counseling:
"Self-care" isn't a dirty word. Not caring for yourself isn't helping you feel better. How would a caring friend encourage you to care for you? Sleep an extra hour, do something you enjoy, eat a healthy meal, hang out with a friend, etc.
You've got superpowers! Write down your positive characteristics, what you're good at and have accomplished. Ask a trusted friend: what do they appreciate about you? Read these daily!
Imagine it, become it. Visualize a future "you" who's done lots of self-esteem growth/ healing. What would they tell you about your worth and value? What advice and guidance would they give?
Who are your people? Those who experience low self-esteem can engage in counterproductive interpersonal patterns. Spend time with positive, caring and supportive people who care for you as you are.
Get goals. Break a big goal down into mini-goals that you can work towards over time. As you accomplish these, you'll feel more positive about yourself and your capability to achieve.
Find a therapist who specializes in self-esteem issues to help you make the most effective use of these strategies - and who can offer others that are specifically tailored to your unique needs and goals!
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Every therapist has their own "style" and approach to working with self-esteem issues. Here's an overview of how I support others in improving self-esteem:
First, we'll go over how your self-esteem challenges are impacting you:
• What kind of mental and emotional discomfort are you experiencing ? Identifying your inner "terrain" - dread, worry, negative thinking, shame, doubt or more - will give a "baseline" from which to work therapeutically.
• How does your self-esteem affect the way you show up in your relationships, work, socially, in your family life, spiritually, even physically?
Then, we'll look at where you want to be: how do you want to think, feel, act and live? Clarifying your mental health/self-esteem goals helps you envision what's possible and provides a guiding anchor.
My approach to improve self-esteem is two-fold, depending on your specific needs/goals:
You'll learn tools for navigating day-to-day self-esteem and mental health distress. This can help you manage the negative thinking, inner criticism and psychological turmoil, and support you in developing healthy self-esteem.
Using proven therapeutic interventions, we'll gently and effectively tend to the emotional wounds and unsupportive core beliefs that have kept you stuck in a painful self-esteem cycle. This initiates a deeper healing process and where much of the life-changing magic of therapy happens!
Self-esteem counseling in California can help you rekindle your confidence. Get started today.
It is possible to find self-esteem freedom...and it's important to find a therapist who knows the territory of self-esteem healing.
Using a unique, deeply-supportive therapeutic approach, I facilitate self-esteem healing in an environment of non-judgment and validation of your lived experience. I use a combination of neuroscience- and trauma-informed modalities that are shown to be highly effective in working with the many facets of self-esteem challenges.
Therapy will go at a pace that feels safe and right for you, while helping you move through your growing edges and towards the "you" that is waiting to be discovered.
While therapy outcomes can never be guaranteed, I've witnessed significant and profound transformation, relief and change in my experience helping clients connect with their inner confidence, grounded calm and strength.
It would be a privilege for me to be your skilled guide and advocate in your self-esteem healing process Feel free to schedule a complimentary consultation to explore whether or not I might be a fit for you.
I wish you much healing!